Secrets of Quiet People

“Once in a blue moon, a book comes along that gives us startling new insights. Quiet is that book: it’s part page-turner, part cutting edge science. The implications for business are especially valuable: Quiet offers tips on how introverts can lead effectively, give winning speeches, avoid burnout, and choose the right roles. This charming, gracefully written, thoroughly researched book is simply masterful.” — ADAM M. GRANT, PH.D., associate professor of management, the Wharton School of Business

Where we fall on the introvert-extrovert continuum, isn’t determined by how shy or outgoing we believe we are. Personality isn’t so simple. For example, introverts can behave like extroverts and vice versa.

Let’s look at the quiet guy in the office. We may think that he’s incredibly shy because he’s quiet at work, but maybe he can talk for hours on end when he’s around his close friends. The socially active person might appear extroverted, but she might also be the introvert who craves quiet solitude when the party’s over. A leader might stand in the spotlight, not because she likes it, but because she feels compelled to do what she believes is right.

The world has been split and is geared towards extroverts. The main issue of the book “Quiet” by Susan Cain is the life of introverts under the pressure of the so-called extrovert society. The author argues that this bias towards those who feed off constant social interaction, means introverts are often pushed aside. She posits the idea that we live in a world that is based on the principles of the extrovert ideal. This concept implies that the world can hear only those who are loud and socially active, who are eloquent enough and are able to express their thoughts through powerful speech, who are never tired of being in the center of attention.

Why so?

The reasons for introvert personality being overlooked can be boiled down to several sources. One of those the author ascribes to the American values and beliefs. The book argues that the Western culture has always misunderstood and undervalued the capabilities of introverted people, who live among those who yearn to become leaders and active representatives of the society like Tony Robison. That overwhelming desire to become the cream of the crop is facilitated by American values (Achievement, Action and Work; Individualism; The Future Change and Progress) and the concept of the American dream.

The author observes introversion from several points of view and traces her arguments through social spheres (education, business, leadership), and gives arguments in favor of the indomitable strength of introverts that just needs some development.

Cain worked for seven years as an attorney at Cleary Gottlieb Steen & Hamilton, and then as a negotiations consultant as owner and principal of The Negotiation Company. She left her career in corporate law and consulting for a quieter life of writing at home with her family.

What is Cain’s motivation?

As an introvert herself, Susan Cain faced this dilemma while growing up. She liked being quiet but felt the world wanted her to be louder. Thinking back to a school camp, she recalls participating in the endless team activities, and the shouting of group cheers, when all she really wanted was just to sit quietly and read. This motivated her to research the science behind personality, with a particular focus on introversion.

Cain explained that if she were not a writer she would want to be a research psychologist. Her interest in writing about introversion reportedly stemmed from her own difficulties with public speaking, which made Harvard Law School “a trial”. Cain explained that in writing Quiet she was inspired by the 1963 feminist book, The Feminine Mystique. The writer compares introverts today to women at that time — second-class citizens with enormous amounts of untapped talent. Saying that most introverts aren’t aware of how they are constantly spending their time in ways that they would prefer not and have been doing so all their lives, Cain explained that she was trying to give people motivation to be who they are.

Susan invokes her past emotional reactions to reveal how she experienced living as an introvert in environments geared toward extroversion. Subsequently, she uses this portrayal to show how even someone as introverted as herself can thrive in the presence of extroversion.

To be honest, the latter idea appeals to me since, in my head, extroverts and introverts should collaborate to obtain the best result possible. Being like yin and yang, they complement each other extremely well. If organized reasonably, introverts might show their leadership abilities or work productively in small groups rather than be quiet and inefficient in a big one. Susan explains that introverted people may organize others provided that extroverts help them sustain discipline and productivity. The author gives this example.

“Take the partnership of Rosa Parks and Martin Luther King Jr.: a formidable orator refusing to give up his seat on a segregated bus wouldn’t have had the same effect as a modest woman who’d clearly prefer to keep silent but for the exigencies of the situation. And Parks didn’t have the stuff to thrill a crowd if she’d tried to stand up and announce that she had a dream. But with King’s help, she didn’t have to.”

One more point to highlight, which I really liked, is that introverts have a hidden power to motivate people. Contrary to the common stereotype that introverts are not public speakers, Susan Cain proves that inane opinion wrong by telling stories of different eminent personalities like Rosa Parks, Barbra Streisand, Bill Gates, Eleonor Roosevelt, and others. All of these serve to accentuate that introverted people can be good leaders and orators, they are not afraid of speaking to the world. On top of that, when sharing their accumulated energy, they are able to galvanize the crowd.

Structure of the book

The book is divided into 3 main parts. The first one uncovers the concept of the extrovert ideal, what and where it evolved from. Here Susan Cain traces the historical reasons for the phenomenon of introversion and provides plenty of vivid examples and credible arguments.

She claims that the rise of industrial America brought about the need for new people, those who would have the ability to collaborate with others because it became more vital than the brilliance of skills.

“Citizens” morphed into “employees,” facing the question of how to make a good impression on people to whom they had no civic or family ties.

“But by 1920, popular self-help guides had changed their [people’s] focus from inner virtue to outer charm — “to know what to say and how to say it,” as one manual put it.”

Later, in the era of incipient capitalism, in the 1920s, the American nation was influenced by self-help guides designed to show the importance of shaping “personality.” At first, most of them were written for businessmen, however, eventually, they became mainstream. The sales skyrocketed due to the birth of the American film industry, as Americans became obsessed with movie stars.

What is more, people received advice on self-presentation from the advertising industry. Unlike early print ads that offered to buy a product, new ads created an impression that customers are petrified performers on the fright stage and only a company’s product can rescue them. Here we can discern a metaphor in which “stage” is society and a “product” mustn’t save people, it will simply ameliorate their image or reputation in the eyes of others.

“ALL AROUND YOU PEOPLE ARE JUDGING YOU SILENTLY,” warned a 1922 ad for Woodbury’s soap.

“CRITICAL EYES ARE SIZING YOU UP RIGHT NOW,” advised the Williams Shaving Cream company.

The cult of impeccable personality affected people of all stamps, including women who were expected by society to be flawless in the eyes of men in the first place.

Women, too, were expected to walk a fine line between propriety and boldness. If they responded too shyly to romantic overtures, they were sometimes called “frigid.”

Over time, people were exhausted by the rush which is more like survival of the fittest. At that time, a new psychological concept appeared. It was called the inferiority complex. Later, in the late 50s, William Whyte published a book “The Organization Man” which describes how parents and teachers conspired to overhaul the personalities of quiet children.

When these children grew older and applied to college and later for their first jobs, they faced the same standards of gregariousness. University admissions officers looked not for the most exceptional candidates, but for the most extroverted.

That is one more sound argument in favor of the extravert ideal which kept thriving in the 1950s in America. Introverted people tried to change their demeanor because they sincerely thought that their behavior was abnormal and deviant. They had no choice though, as they experienced social pressure. Not only schools looked down on introverts, but universities too. Being one of the most prestigious universities of the Ivy League, Harvard shrank from them and tried to diminish the number of introverted people as much as it could. Those who did not show their introversion had to pretend in order to be of good report.

Harvard’s provost Paul Buck declared in the late 1940s that Harvard should reject the “sensitive, neurotic” type and the “intellectually overstimulated” in favor of boys of the “healthy extrovert kind.” In 1950, Yale’s president, Alfred Whitney Griswold, declared that the ideal Yalie was not a “beetle-browed, highly specialized intellectual, but a well-rounded man.”

Provost — an important official who helps to run a college or university.

My favorite moment from the first part of the book is when Susan Cain describes her own experience of studying at Harvard Business School being an introvert. Everything there was different — striding people, sumptuously decorated student center, long brightly lit catwalks in the halls where students breezy walk, seemingly unaware that all eyes are on them. Cain demonstrates the atmosphere and the attitude of students with a short dialog based on real events.

“Good luck finding an introvert around here,” says one.

“This school is predicated on extroversion,” adds the other.

“Your grades and social status depend on it. It’s just the norm here. Everyone around you is speaking up and being social and going out.”

“Isn’t there anyone on the quieter side?” I ask. They look at me curiously.

“I couldn’t tell you,” says the first student dismissively.

Judging by the students’ answers they really are inclined towards the stance that introversion is something extraneous here; that to be one guarantees you aloof demeanor and failure. It must be hard to be an introverted person in such a place. However, who makes it unbearable? Who says that introverts are not to be leaders? The answer can be found in the educational system of HBS and most universities whose priority is to turn out well-rounded extroverts who are the embodiment of ideal Americans. The essence of the HBS education is that leaders have to act confidently and make decisions in the face of fragmentary information.

The teaching method plays with an age-old question: If you don’t have all the facts — and often you won’t — should you wait to act until you’ve collected as much data as possible? Or, by hesitating, do you risk losing others’ trust and your own momentum? During classes young businessmen have to doubt, analyze, ask, ponder and weigh arguments for and against, just like in real life. The HBS students are always expected to opine. After one finishes, others are expected to offer their own views. However, some people don’t work efficiently on this way of learning. To give an example, Susan describes the HBS experience of Don, one of the introverted students.

He had a hard time elbowing his way into class discussions. Being a shy introvert trapped in the suffocating classroom of the extrovert world, he barely spoke at all in some classes.

He prefers to contribute only when he believes he has something insightful to add, or honest-to-God disagrees with someone. This sounds reasonable, but Don feels as if he should be more comfortable talking just so he can fill up his share of available airtime. How much class participation is too much? How little is too little? When does publicly disagreeing with a classmate constitute healthy debate, and when does it seem competitive and judgmental?

It doesn’t mean he didn’t have anything to suggest, it all stems from the format of studies. Some people find it hard to participate in a group discussion, especially when they are expected to think critically and be on their guard. Sometimes they even can’t talk among their good acquaintances. Susan’s goal is to make people admit that it’s normal. We just need to choose the way of studying that we are comfortable with.

Not only did Don agonize over class discussions, but he also couldn’t lead an ongoing lifestyle like most of the HBS students.

“Socializing here is an extreme sport,” one of Don’s friends tells me. “People go out all the time. If you don’t go out one night, the next day people will ask, ‘Where were you?’ I go out at night like it’s my job.”

The last chapter of the first part of the book is dedicated to the question“What do introverted leaders do differently from — and sometimes better than — extroverts?”

Susan Cain gives a great example about one general of the U.S. Air Force who was an acquaintance of Adam Grant, Wharton management professor, and Susan’s friend. The general was in command of thousand people charged with protecting a high-security missile base. According to Cain, he was one of the most classically introverted people, as well as one of the finest leaders. This man lost focus when he interacted too much with people, so he carved out time for thinking and recharging. He spoke quietly, without much variation in his vocal inflections or facial expressions. He was more interested in listening and gathering information than in asserting his opinion or dominating a conversation. He was also widely admired; when he spoke, everyone listened. This was not necessarily remarkable — if you’re at the top of the military hierarchy, people are supposed to listen to you. But in the case of this commander, people respected not just his formal authority, but also the way he led: by supporting his employees’ efforts to take the initiative. He gave subordinates input into key decisions, implementing the ideas that made sense while making it clear that he had the final authority. He wasn’t concerned with getting credit or even with being in charge; he simply assigned work to those who could perform it best. This meant delegating some of his most interesting, meaningful, and important tasks — work that other leaders would have kept for themselves.

Grant also had a theory about which kinds of circumstances would call for introverted leadership. He hypothesized that extroverted leaders enhance group performance when employees are passive, but that introverted leaders are more effective with proactive employees.

To prove the theory, Adam Grant in collaboration with his colleagues carried some research. In one of the studies, they analyzed data from one of the five biggest pizza chains in the United States. They found out that the weekly profits of the stores managed by extroverts were 16 percent higher than the profits of those led by introverts, provided that the employees were passive types who tended to do their job without exercising initiative. Introverted leaders had the exact opposite results. When they worked with employees who actively tried to improve works, their stores outperformed those led by extroverts by more than 14 percent. All in all, introverts often benefit greatly due to their natural inclination not only to listen to others instead of dominating the conversation but to hear and implement suggestions.

When reading I can’t help having insights all the time. The book is full of allusions and references to different researches and other books. I’m looking forward to reading the second and the third parts and discovering more about the phenomenon of introversion. And I’m so glad that this semester we had an opportunity to opt for a popular book. It is my first experience with this genre and I figured out that it’s way harder to read it than fiction for me. While reading this book my brain was blowing with the information given, but it’s worth it.